I probably shouldn't blog when I'm depressed.

Sometimes I forget how blessed I am and the fact that the stress I bring on myself isn't always necessary.  Today got better.  I made a cup of tea and listened to a Jaymay pandora station and didn't do my homework.  I'll regret that later, but for now, I'm happy.  I'm doing Casey.  I'm reading my bible instead of my history book.  I'm thinking about Jesus rather than Aristotle, Andrew Jackson, and the derivatives of tangent functions.  I'm good.  I'm getting through.  I'll be visiting Northwest Friday with my incredible mother and I will enjoy myself.  My cats will be home tomorrow, which means I'll be less lonely.  I have a party tomorrow night with the youth kiddos.  I'm doing what I want.  I like it.

No one said it was going to be easy

Today is terrible.  It's 14 minutes over halfway done, but I'll have to stay up much longer than I did the first half.  I dislike people today.  I dislike that teacher I normally like, I dislike my best friend, I dislike my other best friend for not being here and making me try to set up a poll about those stupid stinkin i heart boobies bracelets.  I never want to hear the word boobie again.  I never want to try and accomplish anything again.  I wish I had someone here to make me laugh.  I wish I wasn't sitting in a classroom alone during lunch so I could cry my eyes out.  I wish I was home.  Not Washington; the other home.  I wish I didn't have hours of homework tonight.  I wish I could skip AP Calc next period and not feel guilty.  I wish the position of editor wasn't bestowed upon me, because I don't think I can handle it.  I'll just let everyone down.  I'm pretty good at that.  Now that you've seen my emo ranting, go on about your day. 

Future Husband.

In the past year, I've probably referred to at least 40 guys as my future husbands: guys on the street; guys I know; guys I wish I could know; guys in movies; guys on stage; guys at my church; guys that play the guitar and sing soulfully, guys that give back; guys that love Jesus. 
Over the summer, I realized I'm not okay with this.  I'm not okay with some girl calling MY future husband hers, therefore, I'm not okay with calling hers mine.  I even put it on a goal sheet!  I never truly followed it.  It had just become a habit I couldn't break, even with my rubber band(cough, cough Jacob.)  Today, I realized my bad habit must be broken.  One of my best friends texted me and referred to a a guy she knew as her future husband.  There was a time where I thought this certain guy was my future husband(along with the 39 others) and so her text kind of caught me off guard.  For a second, I took offense to it.  Then, I realized just how hypocritical that was.  She probably got the bad "call every attractive male I see my future husband" habit from me, so who was I to be upset?  It was eye opening.  I don't hope to marry 40 men.  Just one, actually.  I know he'll be amazing and godly and will lead with a servant heart and if I'm lucky, he'll go for long runs with me and play folk songs on his guitar.  I pray every night that he's staying strong now and not giving his heart away; mentally or physically.  If he's praying the same thing for me, I've been letting him down, over and over.  The whole year of 17 was supposed to be dedicated to a guy fast that consisted of placing all my focus on God, so I was completely ready to date my prince when I turned 18.  I've realized recently, that that's stupid.  First of all, I cannot demand that God brings my prince charming along by the time I'm 18.  He's done enough for me already and I know I could never rush His amazing plan for my husband and I.  Plus, preparing my heart for a relationship might take over a year; especially at this rate.  I've been 17 for almost two months and they haven't been spent "guy-fasting."  They've been spent "guy-feasting" to say the least.  The moral of the story?  I have a lot of work to do on my inner self.  I have to completely retrain my thoughts and my mouth to keep "he's my future husband" out of my vocabulary until the day some guy drops down on one knee and pulls a diamond ring out of his cargo shorts.  Or jeans.  I'm down for either.  I am willing to wait for that day, because he's worth it. 
If you hear the words future husband come out of my mouth in reference to a certain person, be sure to slap me, even if it is Ryan Reynolds or James Franco.  They're married!  That makes it even worse!
Until engagement, the groom at the end of the aisle will remain faceless.  He'll be wearing converse, though.  My lips will also remain unkissed unless you count my 5-year old brother.  This seems like quite a task.  I should probably find a rubber band and my bible.

Benjamin Franklin

I love Quotes.  I think they're one of the best things in this world. 
I think quotes might just get me through APUSH.  Sometimes, you forget people are people.  Benjamin Franklin had thoughts and feelings and was a sentimental man who liked French woman.  People like good ole Ben had important things to say and people listened.  I was looking at his most famous quotes, and although there are many, here are a few of my favorites.

"We must, indeed, all hang together or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately."

 "To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions."

"If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins."

"She laughs at everything you say. Why? Because she has fine teeth."

-Benjamin Franklin

To You.

I don't lack the inability to wait.  Believe me, I can if I thought you were worth it.  And I do, I really do.

You just lack the inability to see that I think you deserve the world and I don't believe she's it.

That's the nicest way I could put this letter to you, that you'll probably never see. 

So there you have it.

I want you to be happy.

Happy with me would be preferred. 

But happy in general will do.

why can't I be more like you and less like me?

This is Mikael and Micah.  They are amazing. 

Mikael is one of the most loving people I have ever met. 

I wish I could be more like him.

I wish  people wouldn't judge him.

Maybe Christians should live by "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" less and by the Bible more.  If the greatest commandment is love, why is it okay to judge him? 

I love him with all my heart and Jesus does too.  More than I ever could.

He posted this on his blog, and I was completely moved by it.  

http://naytinalbert.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-hugged-man-in-his-underwear-and-i-am.html

Reconciliation.

It's going to take a lot to undo all the harsh feelings people have against Christians.

But we can rise up. 

We can be the generation.

We can change the world with the love of Jesus.

It sounds so cliche, but

I live by that.

You know you're a US History nerd...

...when you look up Benjamin Franklin quotes & fall in love with them just a bit.

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness.  You have to catch it yourself. 

~Benjamin Franklin

Dreams.

Last year, during one of those long fall/winter days where your hands are too numb to write, I was eating lunch with my best friend, Jacob.  I remember telling him about how I wanted to be a doctor.  I wanted to travel around to help people who truly needed it.  People who had one other option; death.  I wanted to go places where everyone was trying to escape after tsunamis and hurricanes and earthquakes and help the broken people.  I wanted to do what Christ did, but with modern day medicine.  I hit my chemistry class the next day running.  Suddenly, my life had a purpose and the homework didn't seem so terrible anymore because, one day, I would use it all to change lives.  That night, I told my mom and my step-dad about the dream over dinner.  For some reason, I can't rem
ember what my mom said, but my step-dad crushed my dream.  Absolutely and completely crushed it.  He said there was no way I could pay off the bills of college by doing something that made so little money.  He ridiculed the passion I suddenly felt to serve.  The worst part is he was successful.  I gave up the dream.  Tucked it away with all the stupid, ambitious, child ones I'd had in the past.  Today, I pulled it back out.  Suddenly, my homework doesn't look so bad.  I know I can do this.  I can get a full-ride scholarship to a nice, christian school and I can become a doctor without a border.  I can live my dream, if it is also God's dream for me.  Philippians 4:13.

Before the worst.

I had adorable grandparents.

This picture below was taken last Friday.

She doesn't smile like she used to.

But, she lost the love of her life.

It'd take me a long time to learn to smile again too.

But, she's strong.  She'll make it through and life will go on.

Life will go on.



Complainers

"wahhhh, my Dad doesn't like my boyfriend."

"wahhhh, my Dad won't let me use the car."

"wahhhh, my Dad is so embarrasing."

"wahhhh, my dad is over-protective."

Atleast you have a dad.  I'd pay to have one that tried to scare away the boys because he wanted me to stay his little girl.

My dad chose drugs over me.

Atleast your dad wants you.

Words of wisdom from my mother

"When you don't get something you really want, there's always a reason.  Maybe you have something else waiting for you.

I never thought Cross Country was your true love anyway"

She's right.

Way back when, when I was an itty-bitty, naive 8th grader,

my "sister" convinced me to do XC.

So i did.

Freshmen year, I loved it.

Sophomore Year, I liked it.

Junior Year, .....no comment.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy XC a lot and I really do love running.

But I'm terrible, so maybe I didn't deserve that captain position I'd been hoping for since freshmen year.

and like Momma says, it's not my true love anyway.

Volleyball perhaps?

This right here.

As of lately, I've been really repulsed by the teenage boys at my school.  I've heard the classic "boys are only interested in one thing" line, and most of the boys at my school prove that.  Most of the guys in this world seem to prove that.  Back to some of the guys at my school.  I know I should not judge them based on their actions, because I think a lot of them are good guys and I believe some of them will change and get married and be faithful, amazing husbands.  For now, they're stupid, testosterone filled teenage boys and I would like to punch them. 

This past week has been a difficult one for a lot of reasons.

One of them is seeing guys that cheat and lie, yet the girl just can't break away.

This leads to some of my distaste for guys.

Or the relationship that's lasted for years, then in one night, the guy decides his girlfriend isn't fulfilling his needs and that a one night stand would suffice.

He never tells his girlfriend.

This story does get better though; stick with me! 

Every Friday, their is a program for home-schoolers held at my church that is parallel to my school.

I first met some of these said home-schoolers when I started attending the church.

I thought they were the nicest people I ever met.  I loved them lots.

This year, I decided to start stopping by on Fridays.

It was perfect, because just when I was started to categorize all men as disgusting beasts, I saw 4 guys who weren't.  4 guys who are saving everything for marriage.  4 guys who I believe will be faithful 'til they die.  4 guys who are chivalrous and hold my bags, walk me to my car, give me rides home when my car was non-existent, and refuse to let me pay for my meal when we go anywhere.  I love these guys.

They're grand.

Unluckily, they're all in super serious relationships with awesome, godly girls.

& they're going to do great things through their marriage & the purity they showed beforehand. 

& believe me, my husband will be just as great:)

I'm just happy to have such wonderful friends who do more for me and other people than I can write in a blog.  If I tried, it'd go on forever.

Thanks guys.  I love you all.

Here it is.

Thousands of schools around the US have banned ‘I <3 boobies’ bracelets for offensive language and violating dress code. Washington High School is no different. If a bracelet is seen on a student, staff members are instructed to take the bracelet away and send it to the office to be picked up after school. Students at Washington refuse to remain silent about this issue and the most likely form of refute is the statement, “but it supports breast cancer research.” Yes, that is correct. 5% from each bracelet purchased goes to support breast cancer research. Does that small amount make it okay to wear an offensive slogan on a bracelet?
Although the debate over these bracelets tends to center around whether or not they are appropriate to have at school, many believe the bracelets are not appropriate in general. It is a noble cause for the Keep-A-Breast Foundation to support breast cancer awareness(which they claim is their main cause), but many argue they are going about it the wrong way. For example, how many students are truly wearing them for the right reason? “I don’t believe these kids are wearing them to support breast cancer research, they’re wearing them for the affect,” stated Ms. Olson. If you look around, the bracelets are popular among teenagers, more so boys. A conversation last year among two male students proves my point. “Dude, you love boobies?”, to which the other student responded, “Yeah, don’t you?” Were they wearing them for the cause? No, they were wearing them because they’re teenage boys who “love boobies.”
"That's the whole idea, it's getting people to talk about breast cancer, it's getting people to share their feelings about how this disease has impacted their life," stated found of Keep-A-Breast Foundation, Shaney Jo Darden. "The bracelet is doing what it's meant to do — it's making people talk." That is true, but are the bracelets generating the right conversations? If their were a bracelet that said ‘I <3 testicles,’ would that encourage students to talk about testicular cancer? Miss Fagherberg stated “Awareness needs to be raised, but in a different way.” Breast Cancer is a major issue and the intentions of Keep-A-Breast Foundation are noteworthy, but there has to be a better way to raise awareness than stating your love for boobies on a bracelet. Find that way and support it.
As far as school goes, there are plenty of other ways to support breast cancer research and awareness. The ‘I <3 boobies’ bracelets are unprofessional and will not be allowed at school, so a suggestion is to leave them at home. Wear pink ribbons, buy merchandise from www.thebreastcancersite.com, change your face book picture to a pink tint, do something to spread awareness and raise money for the millions of women who suffer from this disease, because, if you truly care, you’ll make an effort to do more than just state your love for boobies on a $4 dollar bracelet.





There you have it.  That's my argument.  You will not see me wearing these bracelets, but I try to not judge other people for wearing them.  I do think it's tacky for a guy to wear them for lots of reasons.  Women are more than their boobs.  Breast cancer doesn't just take away boobs, it takes away lives. 

In my dreams, I go home.

& that divides my heart more than anything else in the world.

But, people die.

& if anyone dies before I get to see them again;

well, that would break my heart.

So, my options are: divided heart or broken heart.

One side of the US holds my mother, my 2 amazing brothers, my grandma,

my uncle, other family members, Puget Sound beaches, tall trees,

breath-taking views, amazing friends, 

and 1/2 of my heart.

The other side holds my father, my siblings, my aunts,

my uncles, my cousins, Auburn University, a scorching sun, lots of pools,

my grandparents, a church body that I loved,

and 1/2 my heart.

College is a difficult choice.

Pick-up lines galore

today....

I took a killer photo of one of my best friends and her obnoxious boyfriend for journalism and it was AMAZING. 

and the girl who I was taking it for decided not to use it.

UGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Teamwork my butt.

add to "Hello World"

March 2011

with:

P.S. That's Ireland in case you were wondering.:)

Confidence.

I've always felt really strongly about a few issues that girls have a tendency to struggle with.  One of those is confidence.  I cannot really give specific examples of what annoys me because, truth be told, I match almost all of them.  For example, I have said numerous times that I dislike plastic surgery because God made every person the way they are and they are beautiful.  Yet, saying that to myself last night didn't make me like my nose any more.  It actually kind of just made me upset with God.  That's insane because seriously, an ugly nose?  People are dying from terrible diseases; babies are born with deformities; and I'm complaining about my nose?  That's my guilt trip, and with an amazing mom, it normally doesn't last very long.  Just my luck, my mom works 6 days a week so, I haven't been able to spend that quality time with her.  That means the guilt trip continues, without being effective. 

Song of my Soul.

"The first time that I met you, I knew one day I would know you even better."

& that's all you need to know.

You are the only one I love.

Quote of the day.

"A good writer can BS anything."

-Jacob Vargas