I probably shouldn't blog when I'm depressed.

Sometimes I forget how blessed I am and the fact that the stress I bring on myself isn't always necessary.  Today got better.  I made a cup of tea and listened to a Jaymay pandora station and didn't do my homework.  I'll regret that later, but for now, I'm happy.  I'm doing Casey.  I'm reading my bible instead of my history book.  I'm thinking about Jesus rather than Aristotle, Andrew Jackson, and the derivatives of tangent functions.  I'm good.  I'm getting through.  I'll be visiting Northwest Friday with my incredible mother and I will enjoy myself.  My cats will be home tomorrow, which means I'll be less lonely.  I have a party tomorrow night with the youth kiddos.  I'm doing what I want.  I like it.

No one said it was going to be easy

Today is terrible.  It's 14 minutes over halfway done, but I'll have to stay up much longer than I did the first half.  I dislike people today.  I dislike that teacher I normally like, I dislike my best friend, I dislike my other best friend for not being here and making me try to set up a poll about those stupid stinkin i heart boobies bracelets.  I never want to hear the word boobie again.  I never want to try and accomplish anything again.  I wish I had someone here to make me laugh.  I wish I wasn't sitting in a classroom alone during lunch so I could cry my eyes out.  I wish I was home.  Not Washington; the other home.  I wish I didn't have hours of homework tonight.  I wish I could skip AP Calc next period and not feel guilty.  I wish the position of editor wasn't bestowed upon me, because I don't think I can handle it.  I'll just let everyone down.  I'm pretty good at that.  Now that you've seen my emo ranting, go on about your day. 

Future Husband.

In the past year, I've probably referred to at least 40 guys as my future husbands: guys on the street; guys I know; guys I wish I could know; guys in movies; guys on stage; guys at my church; guys that play the guitar and sing soulfully, guys that give back; guys that love Jesus. 
Over the summer, I realized I'm not okay with this.  I'm not okay with some girl calling MY future husband hers, therefore, I'm not okay with calling hers mine.  I even put it on a goal sheet!  I never truly followed it.  It had just become a habit I couldn't break, even with my rubber band(cough, cough Jacob.)  Today, I realized my bad habit must be broken.  One of my best friends texted me and referred to a a guy she knew as her future husband.  There was a time where I thought this certain guy was my future husband(along with the 39 others) and so her text kind of caught me off guard.  For a second, I took offense to it.  Then, I realized just how hypocritical that was.  She probably got the bad "call every attractive male I see my future husband" habit from me, so who was I to be upset?  It was eye opening.  I don't hope to marry 40 men.  Just one, actually.  I know he'll be amazing and godly and will lead with a servant heart and if I'm lucky, he'll go for long runs with me and play folk songs on his guitar.  I pray every night that he's staying strong now and not giving his heart away; mentally or physically.  If he's praying the same thing for me, I've been letting him down, over and over.  The whole year of 17 was supposed to be dedicated to a guy fast that consisted of placing all my focus on God, so I was completely ready to date my prince when I turned 18.  I've realized recently, that that's stupid.  First of all, I cannot demand that God brings my prince charming along by the time I'm 18.  He's done enough for me already and I know I could never rush His amazing plan for my husband and I.  Plus, preparing my heart for a relationship might take over a year; especially at this rate.  I've been 17 for almost two months and they haven't been spent "guy-fasting."  They've been spent "guy-feasting" to say the least.  The moral of the story?  I have a lot of work to do on my inner self.  I have to completely retrain my thoughts and my mouth to keep "he's my future husband" out of my vocabulary until the day some guy drops down on one knee and pulls a diamond ring out of his cargo shorts.  Or jeans.  I'm down for either.  I am willing to wait for that day, because he's worth it. 
If you hear the words future husband come out of my mouth in reference to a certain person, be sure to slap me, even if it is Ryan Reynolds or James Franco.  They're married!  That makes it even worse!
Until engagement, the groom at the end of the aisle will remain faceless.  He'll be wearing converse, though.  My lips will also remain unkissed unless you count my 5-year old brother.  This seems like quite a task.  I should probably find a rubber band and my bible.

Benjamin Franklin

I love Quotes.  I think they're one of the best things in this world. 
I think quotes might just get me through APUSH.  Sometimes, you forget people are people.  Benjamin Franklin had thoughts and feelings and was a sentimental man who liked French woman.  People like good ole Ben had important things to say and people listened.  I was looking at his most famous quotes, and although there are many, here are a few of my favorites.

"We must, indeed, all hang together or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately."

 "To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions."

"If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins."

"She laughs at everything you say. Why? Because she has fine teeth."

-Benjamin Franklin

To You.

I don't lack the inability to wait.  Believe me, I can if I thought you were worth it.  And I do, I really do.

You just lack the inability to see that I think you deserve the world and I don't believe she's it.

That's the nicest way I could put this letter to you, that you'll probably never see. 

So there you have it.

I want you to be happy.

Happy with me would be preferred. 

But happy in general will do.

why can't I be more like you and less like me?

This is Mikael and Micah.  They are amazing. 

Mikael is one of the most loving people I have ever met. 

I wish I could be more like him.

I wish  people wouldn't judge him.

Maybe Christians should live by "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" less and by the Bible more.  If the greatest commandment is love, why is it okay to judge him? 

I love him with all my heart and Jesus does too.  More than I ever could.

He posted this on his blog, and I was completely moved by it.  

http://naytinalbert.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-hugged-man-in-his-underwear-and-i-am.html

Reconciliation.

It's going to take a lot to undo all the harsh feelings people have against Christians.

But we can rise up. 

We can be the generation.

We can change the world with the love of Jesus.

It sounds so cliche, but

I live by that.

You know you're a US History nerd...

...when you look up Benjamin Franklin quotes & fall in love with them just a bit.

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness.  You have to catch it yourself. 

~Benjamin Franklin