Rollercoaster.

I remember the highs and lows of the past three years pretty well.

And I remember the anxiety and depression a low brought, and the happiness and joy a high brought.

Wresting season my sophomore year, that was a low. I dreaded every single day of going to practice.

And then when I tried out volleyball my senior year. That was another low. Those were the moments where I dreaded the thought of having to make a decision that was going to God forbid, let someone down. 

And then came highs.

The biggest high of my life was being in Hawaii, and it wasn't because I was living 15 minutes from one of the most beautiful beaches in the world.

It was being fulfilled. It was doing a "job" and doing it well, because I loved it so much.

Whether or not I saw the impact my job was making, I loved every single moment.

I loved being on my feet all day, every other Thursday, giving out hundreds of pounds of food, so that over 800 families could eat for another week.

I loved walking the streets of Wahiawa, where the kids that don't want to go home roam alongside the drug addicts, the drug dealers, and the prostitutes.

I loved believing; believing good guys exist in abundance, believing I can make a difference, believing God is good, all the time. 

I loved all of it.

I loved living in a two bedroom, cockroach infested(no joke) apartment with 13 other girls.

I loved having to share all my food and clothes.

I loved the things that weren't easy to accept.

I loved the people who generally went unnoticed or ignored.

I loved the broken, and I embraced the world and the people around me for what they could be, not what they are.

I fell in love, with it all.

And I experienced complete and total happiness in the midst of complete and total surrender to a call that has been placed on my life all along; a call to live simply. And to give all I have to the poor. And when I'm out of clothes and out of money, I hope to know I'll still have lots of love.

Because the Beatles had it right, that is all you need.

So suffice to say, I'm in a low. 

But I'm on the up & up.

And when I'm embarking on my journey back to Hawaii, the lows will all be worth it.

Just to be completely and totally 

happy.