Under my Skin.

I went for a run today, and as I neared the top of a hill pretty early in my run, I realized tears were coming out of my eyes.

Normally, I feel the urge to cry coming, just like I know the exact moment I need to puke, by feeling the warmth in my cheeks.

The rest of the run, I tried to evaluate why the waterworks began so abruptly, and I finally realized it's a compilation of things.

So, I made a list.

1. Never feeling good enough. Even the things I appreciate about myself, i come to not appreciate when I compare them to another person. I have so many problems with that.

2. Liking a guy who will absolutely never feel the same way. I think I've known that since this all began in October, but... I fell for his good looks and quick-wit humor anyway.

3. Doubting everything about my future. The more I think about college, the more I don't want to do it. Is that crazy? Is that stupid? I go through moments where I don't feel like it's right for me, or where God wants me. Even deciding on a college in Georgia is scary, because my ex step-father has so much power, and I cannot leave my mom in Washington alone. I know some of you think that's stupid, but I just can't. If he stops her from moving to Georgia, I'm not going either.

I like running. Sometimes, it makes me incredibly happy and sometimes, I guess it makes me cry.