The Best, The Worst, The New.

Best Memories of 2011:
1) I rang in the New Year in Seattle. That was a great start.
2) I got the incredible opportunity to travel around Ireland with my grandma, my aunt & my uncle. I learned a lot about myself and the world those 8 days I was away from home. I also realized how attractive men with accents combined with beards wearing v-necks and skinny jeans while playing a guitar are.
3) Some cute guy played a song about me while eating stale cheeze-its in a gazebo by the sea. I'll never forget that one.
4) I got the position of ASB President. Not exactly in the way I wanted to, but I still got it. And, I now call the two people I was running against two great friends. I wasn't sure back then if I'd ever be able to do that.
5) AP Tests. I got through them. 'Nuff said.
6) I went to Girls State, which isn't something I'll remember forever, but it's something I remember doing so it made the list.
7) I finished junior year with 5 A's & a B. I was happy.
8) Leadership Camp was one of the best experiences of my life. The people I met were honestly the most incredible people ever. I think that if we needed each other right at this moment, we would all drive to be together somehow. I could write a whole blog about that one week.
9) GEORGIA! Spending 11 days down there with my family made my whole summer.
10) I saved so many lives while working at Wild Waves. Not everyone can say they've done that in their lifetime.
11) Senior Year has been the best of my life. I've learned so much. That could also be it's own blog. Most of all, I've learned the importance of loving everyone. Learn their stories. Judgement is not your job.
12) Patriot Crew Camp. 44 people I love; helping me over 14 ft walls, falling into their arms off logs.
13) I mean to have 12, but I have a few more. Winter Wishes was incredible. Stress and all, I wouldn't change a thing. 471 wishes granted. That wouldn't have happened without the stress.
14) Realizing the value of family and friends. It isn't news to anyone that this year was difficult. But, thankfully, with the help of great friends, I got through it. Thanks guys, especially Maddi & Erika. Your constant texts and letters of encouragement reminded me that someone cared, and it reminded me to not give up.


And for the worst:
It wasn't an easy year. But as I bring in this new one with an adorable little brother, and a wonderful loving mother, I remember just how grateful I am for the love I have been given, and the friends I have.

As for the new:
The best year of my life is before me and I know it. This is the BIG year where I graduate, and if I was traditional, go to college. But God knows I'm not traditional, and a different desire has been placed in my heart. I'm not sure what summer will bring, but I know what I'll be doing come September. Hawaii, here I come.

Questions.

Do people even read this thing?

Do they care to know about my incredible lack of a love life?

Has it just proven itself as a lame substitute for actually seeing each other?

We think we know each other so well, but what we know is what we read, and what we read can be so surface level.

I wish I was one of those people who could keep my mouth shout;

Who didn't ask questions they didn't want to hear the answer to;

Who could do what she wanted without fear that other people wouldn't approve.

So, that's what I want for this year that is bound to be the best.

Because 2011 was so rough,

2012 is bound to be great, right?

"You have everything in this world to make you happy...

..All you have to do is reach out for it."

Every play, there are a few select lines that embed themselves in my head, and this is one of them.
Along with...
"Like any other trade, it isn't all beer and skitttles."
So, what is Antigone teaching me?
1)Life isn't all beer and skittles
2)Happiness is a thing worth fighting for. If you're not happy, find a way to be. Or go die. (Spoiler Alert: Not my personal Opinion)
And lastly:
On the topic of love.
I want a love who'll:
1)feel alone on earth if I laugh and he doesn't know why &
2)worry that I've died in a horrific accident if I'm 5 minutes late.
But mainly just the first one. Because it would be bad for him to think I've died WHENEVER I'm late. I imagine I'll be late on occasion, and I'd hate for him to lose his mind every single time.

I like Antigone, I really do.
The nurse? She's alright. Even if I can't capture her personality to save my life.

Rescued.

Two to None

Roads that lead away from here,

I'm following myself, just this once.

You're Right.

I wouldn't like it.

So, I'll respect that.

Falling Slowy.

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now
Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice

You've made it now
Falling slowly

Sing your melody
I'll sing it loud

Undeclared.

Thus far, I've been accepted into 5 colleges:

1) Shorter University- Rome, Georgia, with a hefty scholarship

2) Toccoa Falls College-Toccoa Falls, Georgia, with a $5,500 scholarship/year

3) Pacific University-Forest Grove, Oregon, with the President's Scholarship(1/2 tuition)

4) University of Portland-Portland, Oregon

5) Auburn University-Auburn, Alabama

 and wait listed for one.

6) Tulane University-New Orleans, Louisiana

Last night, I went to a party with my mom. It was at a country club and was filled with doctors and physicians and waiters that wore all black and served  fancy salmon and pink steak and hors'devours. I felt like it was straight out of East Egg, and Jay Gatsby would appear at any moment. People talked about the mean doctors, drank way too much wine, grinded on other peoples husbands because they drank too much wine, and occasionally would fall over suddenly on the dance floor, then giggling giddily, get back up. I danced a few songs with my mom, one of which a drunk lady heeled me in my toe. The circular indent is still there. I think it's rare that you find a teenage daughter who likes her mom as much as I like mine, but that's not the point of this blog. The doctor my mom works for is from India, and is an incredibly nice man. While returning to the buffet line for more rolls, he asked about my plans for medical school, because last he heard, I wanted to be a doctor without a border. I told him about Auburn, and left it at that.

Later, he came up to my mom to congratulate her, and my mom went into great detail on the number of colleges I'd been accepted to. The wine made her a little loopy as well.

Later that night, while bonding with a guy named Carlos and his wife, I told him about how my love and my passion, was theatre. With a wide eyed expression, he told me he knew I was an  actor, because he could tell I was empathetic. I could feel other peoples pain, and apparently, only the best actors can. Acting is NOT about blending yourself with another character; it's about giving up yourself to be that character; to feel their pain, their happiness, their sorrow, their joy. Robert Downey Jr. Taught him that. Not long after that, my mom and I packed up to go. I hugged him and thanked him for his advice. The thing he said afterward, I will hold dear to my heart forever.
"Follow your dreams, because there are so many adults who wish they would have done what would make them happy. You have the potential and the opportunity. You are at the perfect time in your life to make the right decision; the one that will make you happy."

With that, we parted ways.

Open up your mind and see like me.

"Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our god-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love"

 

The Best.

Today was a good day despite the fact that I was on the verge of puking the whole school day due to a massive headache and I failed to make it to Phase 3 of Act Six.
But my day was still made.
I guess peoplejust  forget hnow much they have to be thankful for.
But, I'm so, so excited for Daniela, Spencer, and Alma.
I love them so much, and from the very beginning, I just had this feeling it was going to be them.
I don't have the time or the energy to write down all the positives to my day, but here are a few.
+
-Olson is constantly yelling at me and calling me a yay-hoo. I just love that lady.
-Winter Wishes. Today we granted all the Support Center Students(Special Education) wishes, and tears sprang to my eyes upon seeing their beautiful, smiling faces.. It was a little bit awkward and I didn't know if I was allowed to hug them, but the joy on their faces made all the stress worth it. Even though the worst has yet to come. How many days until break?
-a 3 hour nap
-Subway for dinner and bonding with the worker. He said I should become a photographer and travel the world taking pictures of people. I like him. Even though last time, he was an ass. Sometimes, people have bad days, but they all deserve second chances.
-PATRIOT CREW! When I checked my e-mail and saw that I hadn't made it to phase 3, there were 6 other people around, and we were able to laugh about it. Not to mention, Amanda Dunnigan promised me Apple Teriyaki if I didn't get it. I love this family. There is no other word to describe them, but family.
-Lastly, I feel this sense that there is nothing I can't do or be. No one I can't befriend. I like that feeling.
-One more, for the books. He's really a cute guy, but as I read the words of wisom from a dear friend, I realized just how right he was. He's a babe, there is no denying that, and he's talented at the thing I call my passion, but guess what? Lots of people are, and one day, there'll be some guy. He'll be an actor. And I'll fall in love. End of Story.

How Quickly It's Ruined.

We had given out gift after gift after gift.

I'd been hugged more times then I could count, and each time I entered the camera's view, I winced a little more.

But, it all felt worth it, because these people were happy. We were giving them candy, and sodas, and other cheap things, but THEY WERE HAPPY!

Then, she angrily walked up, snatched the food from my hand screaming that she wanted the big package, not the little. Then, she stomped off.

I sat there with my mouth agape. (Yeah, that's caught on camera for the rest of my life.)

And everybody else looked uncomfortable too.

She then stomped all the way to her class and immediately complained about her gift.

I guess one person can ruin it.

But tomorrow is a new day.

A new chance to make peoples wishes come true and to befriend that guy that I've wanted to be friends with since the 7th grade.

A new chance to be a better person.

A new chance to let go of the fact that you are not perfect. And neither am I. Or anyone else for that matter.

A new chance to just be.

Crazy.

Loud.

Awkward.

Beautiful.

All That & More.

Guess What.

I stopped caring about you when I stopped trying to be something I wasn't in an effort to impress you.

Let's face it; we're just not two peas in a pod.

I'll politely respect you, and envy your intelligence, and laugh at your jokes, and "ogle" you from afar, but sometimes, you just have to let it go.

"Yeah, you can't find nothing at all, if there was nothing there all along."

Things you should know.

See that attractive blonde man in the back.

That's my Dad.

I miss him and I'd really like to get to know him

And that guy with the cool hair in the front?

Well, that's my grandpa. He used to be an incredible football player and was recruited by Auburn University.

But his papa said no, and instead he joined the military and impersonated Johnny Cash in bars to make a little bit of extra cash.

I love him so much.

See the girl in the front?

That's my aunt and my mom's best friend.

There's so much that Georgia holds for us.

It's home.

And I really want to throw everything down and go back.

So long.

The Thinker

I really like the way you turn the tables and make me form my own opinions.

You truly are the greatest friend I could ever have asked for.

I only hope I've been as good of a friend to you as you to me.

You give me a reason to stay.

They're in love.

Where am I?

Booga-Booga-Booga-ing away in my red car.

The Great Gatsby.

"Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;

If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,

Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,

I must have you!"

Let's be real.

God doesn't hate fags.

But he might hate you if you keep acting like a douche.

Brand New Day.

Laughing. I like it.

And I tend to do it way too frequently around a certain someone.

I throw my head back, and snort, and then I attempt to hide my tomato-red face in the crannies of my elbow. During all of this, I hear you laughing along with me, and this cheesy, stupid grin spreads over my face, and well I like it. I like all of it.

It's dangerous.

This feeling thing.