Weak and Brittle Bones.

I'm grateful today, and I think so too many of my blog posts have been sad, depressing, and occasionally morbid. So, I feel it's only right that you hear the good things going on in my chaotic, stressful, blessed life.
Here you have it! A list, more or less.
1. I felt really alone today. Then, a special teacher, who is slowly moving up on my favorite teacher list(yeah, I have one. In my head) came up to me and scolded me for my cross country fine. He didn't want anything from me, and he wasn't asking me to do something for him. The ironic thing is he did want me to pay my fine, so both those statements are now proven false. But, something in the way he said it made it seem less bossy and more caring. I love the teachers at WHS. From my amazing mentor who buys me teriyaki when I'm broke, gives me snacks throughout the day, and has basically taken on the role of my second mom. Goodness, I love this woman. From Stanczyk who tells me what I don't want to hear, makes me cry, and then lets me doodle on his board to let out my emotions. I love him too. From Fineman who treats me like an adult, but also taught me how to release my inner child and how to hold onto it forever in small ways. She also taught me how to act and gave me a great many lessons on confidence. I love this red-head. From Booth, who gets on to me for fines, and takes an interest in every aspect of my life. I cried, no bawled, and dry-heaved in front of him about a month ago, and as awkward as he felt, he sucked it up and asked me how he could help. He told me men don't deal with crying women very well. I love this bald guy. From Culp who was my constant encouragement. The voice that told me not to give. The voice I would have liked to stop at some points. I love this coach. From Fergie whom I vent to about boys, and cry to about family, and everything in-between. I love this lady. To Olson, who is constantly riding me about missing assignments and my F in her class. It might sound crazy, but I love the woman despite her animal sound affects, and awful pet names intended for offense. Without her constant nagging, I would have given up. But, she didn't let me. That's why Washington High School is more than the greatest high school in the world; it's home. Words can't express the sacrifices these people have made for their students. It's not just a job they go to 5 days a week to pay the bills. For most of them, the job doesn't stop when the school bell tolls, or when the first days of summer vacation begins, or even when they step off the WHS Campus. This blog was meant to look a little differently, but when you get me going about the greatness of Washington High School's teachers, I can't stop. I just really love them.

Stolen from allisonwonderland.

The only thing you have control over in this life is yourself.

If you want to see a change, make the change.

If you want to be different, be different.

If you want to be happier, start now.

But stop complaining.

Complaining doesn't change anything.

It doesn't fix anything.

And all it does is bring down those around you.

Feel your feelings.

Own up to your emotions.

Vent if you need to get them off your chest.

But if you want to gain control of a situation,

you're going to have to alter the way you think.

If you don't want it to be awkward, don't act awkward.

If you want to be more confident, fake it till you make it.

If you want more friends, be friendlier.

If someone makes you mad, decide to get over it.

Nobody is controlling you.

Nobody is your puppet-master.

And so if you want something to happen,

you're gonna have to do it yourself.

If you are easily wounded, toughen up.

If you aren't getting what you want, change your thinking.

Don't let the lives of others affect you so much.

Maybe that person IS a bad person,

but their choices shouldn't have any weight in you dictating yours.

Stop complaining.

I am so sick of hearing people complain.

FYI, there's nothing you can't do

and be

and see

and feel

and hear

and become.

Get over yourself.

Stop holding yourself back.

Stop being passive in your life.

Brush the dirt off the chip in your shoulder and go do something about it.

5 Years Time.

Oh well in five years time we could be walking round a zoo
With the sun shining down over me and you
And there’ll be love in the bodies of the elephants too
And I’ll put my hands over your eyes, but you’ll peep through

And there’ll be sun sun sun
All over our bodies
And sun sun sun
All down our necks

And sun sun sun
All over our faces
And sun sun sun

So what the heck

Cause I’ll be laughing at all your silly little jokes
And we’ll be laughing about how we used to smoke
All those stupid little cigarettes
And drink stupid wine
Cause it’s what we needed to have a good time

And it was fun fun fun
When we were drinking
It was fun fun fun
When we were drunk
And it was fun fun fun
When we were laughing
It was fun fun fun
Oh it was fun

Oh well I look at you and say
It’s the happiest that I’ve ever been
And I’ll say I no longer feel I have to be James Dean
And she’ll say
Yeah well I feel all pretty happy too
And I’m always pretty happy when I’m just kicking back with you

And it’ll be
Love love love
All through our bodies
And love love love
All through our minds
And it be Love love love
All over her face
And Love love love
All over mine


Although maybe all these moments are just in my head
I’ll be thinking ‘bout them as I’m lying in bed
And all that I believe might never really come true
But in my mind I’m havin’ a pretty good time with you

Oh

Five years time
I might not know you
Five years time
We might not speak
Oh
In five years time
We might not get along
In five years time
You might just prove me wrong

Oh there’ll be love love love
Wherever you go
There’ll be love love love
Wherever you go
There’ll be love love love
Wherever you go
There’ll be love love love
Wherever you go
There’ll be love love love
Wherever you go
There’ll be love love love
Wherever you go
There’ll be love love love

Wherever you go, there’ll be love

That one time at Girls State Camp..

Standing up for what you believe in is beautiful.

Even if it's a sacrifice.

The Giving of Thanks.

My Thanksgiving weekend was crazy and absolutely wonderful.

Thursday, I woke up to cinnamon rolls and watched Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows: Part 2!

Then, I attempted to cook, and watched my mom cook, because I can't really cook at all.

Finally, I sat down with my two wonderful brothers, beautiful mother, and hilarious uncle to eat.

It was different than any Thanksgiving I remember, but it was nice. No one yelled at me. No one told me what to do. No one. After we gorged ourselves on food, we packed our bags and drove up to Seattle.

A lovely night was spent with my loverly family followed by watching the Macy's Parade the next day, then seeing everyone from the WHS Band in the food court at Westfield.

I love those kids. After our adventures in Seattle ended, I came home, unpacked, and repacked to head for the ocean. Typical Ocean shenanigans ensued, including beach frolicking, hot-tubbing, and mass amounts of home-made food. I love the ocean, I do and I always have, but without my mom there, it felt different and hollow. I came home from the ocean yesterday afternoon, then headed to my grandma's house with my two brothers for more feasting(I probably gained ten pounds this weekend.) Overall, this weekend was great, but my mom wasn't allowed to come to two of those places for various reasons, and to say this rather bluntly, I think that's B.S. Divorce, Religion, whatever. I just think it's stupid and I know if we were in Georgia, she would have been invited to my aunt's for Thanksgiving, and my grandparents. And guess what?!?! She's not even related to them! But they call her family. I realize every one's family is messed up, but my mom is the most beautiful person I know, and she deserves to be somewhere she is loved and accepted, and her past mistakes are forgiven. I'm thankful for my family here, but I'm ready to be somewhere new. Or I guess you could say, ready to go back home.

I've applied to Auburn University.

Next up, Florida State U Application.

Homeward Bound.

On Happiness.

Promise me you'll do something for yourself.

Something you want to do without fear that you'll be going at it alone.

Promise me you'll make it happen, even if I can't be your reason.

Because, if I'm seeking happiness and doing what I want, that isn't medical school.

I'm not even sure if it's college.

I want to travel.

I want to love people.

I want to change the world.

I don't need money or a degree to do that.

AND, i'm in touch with a fantastic program called Surfing the Nations that will enable me to make all these "wants" come true.

"So, please, please, please.

Let me, Let me, Let me.

Let me get what I want this time."

I wish I could save everyone.

It pains me that you have to go through this and hurt so badly.

I want to cry for you, because this is not how it should be.

Gah, I feel like it was me that was broken up with.

Maybe in waiting for the right guy, God's just saved me a lot of pain.

Yup, that must be it.

Dedication.

Remember that one party where we watched Yes, Man in my front yard?

Well, I'm the girl form of Jim Carey and lack the ability to say no.

I realized it today, and I documented the next 3 times I said yes, when I really wanted to say no.

Can I copy your paper?

Yes.

Can you work on this after school(even thouhg I'm aware of your busy life)?

Yes.

Can you drop everything you're doing, miss all your classes, and do what I want you to do?

NO!

I don't like being stretched thin and I hate being used.

So, when my favorite teacher in the whole world asked me what I want to do when I grow up, the first thing that came to my mind was theatre.

I love theatre.

I think it loves me too.

For reasons you'd never understand.

This favorite red-headed teacher of mine smiled and asked if she could give me a piece of advice.

I assured her that her guidance was much appreciated.

She told me to go for a teaching degree in theatre, because I can use that in a lot of places, unlike a performance degree.

It's not set in stone, and I'm still not sure where I'll be in a few years, but I know this.

When I fill out my college applications and put all my extracurriculars, the only box I check yes for wanting to be involved with in college is theatre. That's speaks.

Someone hold me to it.

A Lack of Color

And when i see you
I really see you upside down
But my brain knows better
It picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around, turns you around

If you feel discouraged
That there's a lack of color here
Please don't worry lover
It's really bursting at the seams
For absorbing everything
The spectrum's a to z

This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years
all the girls in every girlie magazine
Can't make me feel any less alone
I'm reaching for the phone

To call at 7:03

on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home
But i know it's too late
I should have given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay

This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years

Friend.

It used to annoy me.
Maybe my perception of that thing I call love has changed over time, or maybe I've realized that what I want is different.
Today, while laughing non-stop, I realized how much I enjoy just being your friend.
And maybe that's all I'll ever be.
That'd make me happy too.

You.

If I could find anyone I like as much as you.
If I could find anyone who makes me laugh as much as you.
If I could find anyone I respect as much as you.
If I could find anyone that believes in me as much as you.
If I could find anyone who listens to me as well as you.
Well, I think I'd like to spend the rest of my life with that person.

I like it.

I sincerely enjoy being myself to such a point that I'm altogether giving up on trying to impress other people.

I was failing at it anyway.

I tried it halfway through today and it made me question why I hadn't done it before?

Ask the questions you want to ask, swing if you want to swing, dance if you want to dance, be yourself.

People might not like it or you might find that they do.

Either way, it's better than attempting to be something you're not.

Revelation

"Mom, I don't think I fit in at school. I think people think I'm weird."

"Well, you only have a few more months, then you can start somewhere new."

"Yeah, but it's kind of sad. I'm involved in all these different things, but people don't really like me. Or get me."

"Well, I don't mean to rag on my friend,_______, but in high school, every guy wanted to date her, she was the most popular girl in school and now look at her, she's struggling."

*This girl, whose name will remain private has three kids with three different men, no job, and lives with her parents at the age of 39.

"Were you popular?"

"No, not at all. But I know a lot of people who would kill for my life now that I went to high school with. Or, at least my income."

Revelation-

People won't always think I'm strange.

Or dislike me for being slightly successful.

One day in the future, I'll be okay with being a weird-o, because I'll know I was born to be different.

For now, I'll blow bubbles in class and people will stare at me and I'll feel awkward.

Stepppp Up.

" I don't think you can be put in a box. You're your own person and you're okay with that.

Western would be perfect for you."

College choices get more scary everyday.

Do I want to go to a Christian college?

Who knows anymore.

Here's what I got and your opinions are much appreciated.

1) I want a pretty campus with lots of trees to climb, if I'm ever in the mood.

Or, I could just look at them.

2)I want to live near the sea.

3)I want to live in a big, bustling city or close to it.

4) I want lots of study abroad programs.

5)I don't want people telling me what to do. In other words, no contracts please.

P.S. It's hard to find a christian school that has that.

6) I want teachers that know my name and encourage me to pursue my dreams.

7)I want a community dedicated to outreach and love.

8)I want theatre programs.

9)I don't want to be sexiled from my room.

10)I want warm sunshine, beautiful sunrises and sunsets, and warm sand.

11) I want my mom and Joey to follow me, because there's nothing here for us anymore.

Does a college like this even exist?

If so, will I ever find it?

Can I pick up PLU and place it in Florida?!?

Winter Play

Per usual, I got a motherly role as the nurse and the caregiver of the main character, Antigone.

I think about Theater as a career a little bit more everyday, but if there's one thing it's showing me, it's this: I get cast in the motherly, caring roles because that's what I'm good at. Maybe I'm not an actor at all, and instead I'm just someone who cares a whole awful lot about other people. I think, that maybe, I'm just meant to love the world and all the people, including the lost, broken students in Up The Down Staircase, the little boy dying of Hemophilia in The Yellow Boat, and the crazy family I called mine in You Can't Take it With You. Yup, this will be my fourth show as this motherly, caring role.

I'm pretty stoked.