Every year.

When I was 9, I heard my uncle talking about how he had the gifts from Santa in his car.

I wanted to believe in Santa until I was atleast 15.

All the kids in school said he was fake, but I didn't stop believing. 

Never stop believing is something I live by.

Sadly, with my uncle talking about "Santa's Gifts" being in his trunk, I stopped believing.

I guess I liked the idea of Santa because I thought there must be hope for this world.

I thought that every single kid was going to get a gift and the holidays would be wonderful for all the kiddos of the world.

That day, I realized I was wrong.

Not all the kids were going to get gifts.

Some kids were just going to sit in hospital beds dying, or in a foster home wishing they had a family.

Some kids were going to be out drinking or getting pregnant.

Some kids were going to have all they could ever ask for and not be jolly.

I'm the last one.

Since 9, I've never been excited about Christmas.

I know I sound like a Bah Humbug, but I'm just being honest.

Every year, my parents(mom, uncle, step-dad) spoil me with gifts and yes, I generally like them.

But I'm never happy.

This year, I choose happiness.

If you want to know my plans for break, here they are:

-I'll be going to my mom's work and talking with cancer patients.

-I'll be volunteering at Mary Bridge with the kiddos.  Reading books, playing with dolls, something.

-I'll be reading my bible every morning after a morning run.

-I'll be working on homework for hours, because one day, I'll be thankful for all that hard work.

-I'll be striving to be a light no matter where I am or who I am with.

-I will not be watching Grey's Anatomy for hours on end.

-I'll be strengthening my friendships with all my lovely friends.

I feel this urge to do something these holidays. 

To give back.  So cliche, but so true.

Anyone wanna join me?

P.S. Jesus replaced Santa in my life when I was 13 and I'm thankful for that everyday.