I wonder if she's what you dreamed.

With the impending day of love tomorrow, I feel it's only fitting that I write about love.
My views and opinions on it have changed drastically in the last year because of the experiences I've been though.
Last Valentine's Day, the only thing I remember is seeing a quote "It's only fitting that we take this February morning to dote on someone."
It's difficult to write this blog withoput spilling my guts and baring my heart, but there are certain things that even I feel require a certain amount of discretion. So, I'll tell you everything.
Here's what I've learned about love:
1) it sucks
2) it hurts when you realize it's not there anymore.
You've probably heard the story, so I won't tell it again. I guess it'd be nice to break it down by month and what I've learned.
Febraury: I don't like him. I do like him. That month was an eye-opener. I could write a lot about it, but I know that I lost a friendship over it, so I'd rather not.
March: I spent 8 days in March and I lost my mind a little bit. My aunt and uncle have been married for like 8 years, but they are still super in love, and sometimes, I find it really sweet, but after the first few days of it, I was sick of it. I wrote a letter to that ever allusive man of mine and said I didn't want to be like that. I wonder where that letter is.
April: April had me thinking about my Dad a lot. When I visited Georgia this past summer, he didn't even get to say goodbye to me. He cried as he left the voicemail on my phone, because I was too chicken-hearted to answer it. I really miss him. When I do something devious, my grandparents say I look like him. I love him, even though I wish I didn't. I think he would have been a great dad if drugs would not have gotten in the way.
May: In May, I became a mom to a hemophilic, black son. Or, I took on the role. And that role kind of consumed my life and it gave me comfort. I miss The Yellow Boat. I learned a lot about loving everyone I meet during that play.
June: This is where it started to fall apart.
July: Love was redefined in this month. Leadership Camp was life-altering and then I got to go back home for the first time in 3 years. My grandpa, my hero, held me while I cried into his shoulder, because I wasn't ready to leave. Soon enough, I'll be back
August: This it where I fell apart. I thought it was best for a while. Now, I'm not so sure.
September: I didn't care about anything anymore. "SCREW THE WORLD" was my mantra. I'm happy I got out of that.
October: I began to like someone new.
November: One of my closest guy friends moved to Belgium. Letting him go was not easy.
December: I still liked that one guy. The one I shouldn't. Plus, we spent loads of time together, which didn't help. I think I can truthfully say I don't like him anymore. 1) because he doesn't like me, and 2) because I enjoy being his friend, and 3) he'd probably suck to be in a relationship with. Not like I ever would.
Also, I got to escape to the ocean for a few days with two of my best friends. I am convinced laughing is the best medicine.
January: This month, things got better. Being past the holidays helped. I also got to spend some good hang time with my best friend, which I hadn't been able to do in a while. I fell in love with Antigone. I found out about my step-dad's new girlfriend, and I grew stronger.
Fenruary: A few nights ago, my two brothers, my uncle, and my mom came to see Antigone. Then, we all went back to the apartment and hung out. My uncle is hilarious and got my mom in a good mood and laughing, which she hasn't done in a while.I guess my family has been redefined, but I guess, at the end of the day, it was for the best. I guess I'm thankful she left before he started loving someone new. I'm grateful we have each other, and I'm stoked to be moving to Georgia this summer.
I think this blog turned into more of a gush session than my redefining definition of love. It's getting kind of long though, so I'll call it a night.