Pursuit of Purity

Today, I began a journal and dedicated it solely to letters to my future husband.  I've written letters in bits and places since my pursuit of Purity began, but never dedicated a whole journal to it.  It must be a part of growing up.  I subtracted the number of days I've been 17 from 365 to find out how many days until I'm 18.  365-22.  I did this instead of doing my AP Calculus homework.  It's still math, so A for effort.  The number represents a lot more than just the day I'm 18.  It represents more than strip clubs, lottery tickets, cigarettes, and slot machines.  It represents the day I'll figuratively enter into the  world of dating, even if I don't literally.  It represents the day where everything might change and nothing might change.  Obviously, there is a lot riding on September 29, 2011.  At the same time, there's not.  Simply because, I have no control over this area of my life.  I've heard numerous people's perspectives on the pre-marriage/engagement phase.  Some believe it's destiny; some people searched for it, some stumbled upon it.  Some people say that there's multiple people who have the potential to be the one you marry and it's simply a matter of choice.  I disagree and this is something I've spent hours pondering on.  So, what do I believe?  I believe that God is preparing the heart of the man He has in store for me.  I believe He  is all-knowing and if my will is aligned with His, I should make no mistake.  But, I also believe in free will.  I believe there's a chance that I'll go off His track for my life and marry a man who he didn't have in store.  I don't believe God will sulk in heaven for my decision.  I'll pray for my marriage to work, no matter who I marry, and I believe God will answer.  I believe that if God leads me to the college He wants me to go, I'll most likely meet the man He has prepared for me.  I believe if I seek His will everyday, which can be difficult at times, He'll put me exactly where He wants me in life and bless it abundantly.  That's my belief.  Slightly Confusing, but totally logical.