2 months

Today marks the 2-month anniversary of my grandpa's death.  I can't even remember what I wore yesterday, but I remember that day perfectly.  I remember my mom woke me at about 6:30.  "Casey, you need to wake up.  Grandpa's dead."  I've always had an intense fear of dead bodies, and here I was, half-awake in my grandma's bed with a dead body 4 steps down a hall and 2 into my grandparents cozy living room.  I think the fact that it was more than just a body was what shook the fear.  It was a man.  A man who had driven 25 minutes to pick up my pink stuffed poodle for a girl-scout sleepover after I forgot it at home.  It was a man who took me to Salter's Point just to skip rocks.  It was a man who had oreos for me almost every day after I'd walk home from Southgate.  It was a man who'd take me to McDonald's when school started late because of snow days.  It was a man who made the best spaghetti in the world.  It was a man who surprised my grandma with a kitten when her cat was ran over.  It was a man who could navigate away from any collision.  It was a man who loved to watch the West Wing and eat Lays Potato chips with a Big Gulp coke.  It was a man who only wanted to die by that point.  That day was the third time I'd seen my grandma cry in my life: 
1st-when I went missing in Southgate neighborhood for 2 hours and no one could find me 
2nd-when she came home to find her cat dead on a tarp on the side of the road
3rd-after she'd made all the phone calls to inform people that Jay, her husband, was dead.

Gosh, I want it all back.  But, I can't and I know that.

Last night at dinner, I told my mom how I wished it was the weekend.  Her words were "Don't wish your life away, Casey."
That's exactly what I appear to be doing.
I wish it was the weekend; I wish it was Thanksgiving; I wish it was Christmas; I wish it was summer; I wish I was done with high school; I wish I was married; I wish I was done with college and teaching.  I might as well have been wishing I was dying in that hospital bed in my grandparent's small living room.  I want to be happy with where I am in life and wait for the good things God has in store to come, when He wants them to come.  Here's to enjoying everyday of my life, because that is exactly what my grandpa would have wanted.