A Lack of Color

And when i see you
I really see you upside down
But my brain knows better
It picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around, turns you around

If you feel discouraged
That there's a lack of color here
Please don't worry lover
It's really bursting at the seams
For absorbing everything
The spectrum's a to z

This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years
all the girls in every girlie magazine
Can't make me feel any less alone
I'm reaching for the phone

To call at 7:03

on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home
But i know it's too late
I should have given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay

This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years

Friend.

It used to annoy me.
Maybe my perception of that thing I call love has changed over time, or maybe I've realized that what I want is different.
Today, while laughing non-stop, I realized how much I enjoy just being your friend.
And maybe that's all I'll ever be.
That'd make me happy too.

You.

If I could find anyone I like as much as you.
If I could find anyone who makes me laugh as much as you.
If I could find anyone I respect as much as you.
If I could find anyone that believes in me as much as you.
If I could find anyone who listens to me as well as you.
Well, I think I'd like to spend the rest of my life with that person.

I like it.

I sincerely enjoy being myself to such a point that I'm altogether giving up on trying to impress other people.

I was failing at it anyway.

I tried it halfway through today and it made me question why I hadn't done it before?

Ask the questions you want to ask, swing if you want to swing, dance if you want to dance, be yourself.

People might not like it or you might find that they do.

Either way, it's better than attempting to be something you're not.

Revelation

"Mom, I don't think I fit in at school. I think people think I'm weird."

"Well, you only have a few more months, then you can start somewhere new."

"Yeah, but it's kind of sad. I'm involved in all these different things, but people don't really like me. Or get me."

"Well, I don't mean to rag on my friend,_______, but in high school, every guy wanted to date her, she was the most popular girl in school and now look at her, she's struggling."

*This girl, whose name will remain private has three kids with three different men, no job, and lives with her parents at the age of 39.

"Were you popular?"

"No, not at all. But I know a lot of people who would kill for my life now that I went to high school with. Or, at least my income."

Revelation-

People won't always think I'm strange.

Or dislike me for being slightly successful.

One day in the future, I'll be okay with being a weird-o, because I'll know I was born to be different.

For now, I'll blow bubbles in class and people will stare at me and I'll feel awkward.

Stepppp Up.

" I don't think you can be put in a box. You're your own person and you're okay with that.

Western would be perfect for you."

College choices get more scary everyday.

Do I want to go to a Christian college?

Who knows anymore.

Here's what I got and your opinions are much appreciated.

1) I want a pretty campus with lots of trees to climb, if I'm ever in the mood.

Or, I could just look at them.

2)I want to live near the sea.

3)I want to live in a big, bustling city or close to it.

4) I want lots of study abroad programs.

5)I don't want people telling me what to do. In other words, no contracts please.

P.S. It's hard to find a christian school that has that.

6) I want teachers that know my name and encourage me to pursue my dreams.

7)I want a community dedicated to outreach and love.

8)I want theatre programs.

9)I don't want to be sexiled from my room.

10)I want warm sunshine, beautiful sunrises and sunsets, and warm sand.

11) I want my mom and Joey to follow me, because there's nothing here for us anymore.

Does a college like this even exist?

If so, will I ever find it?

Can I pick up PLU and place it in Florida?!?

Winter Play

Per usual, I got a motherly role as the nurse and the caregiver of the main character, Antigone.

I think about Theater as a career a little bit more everyday, but if there's one thing it's showing me, it's this: I get cast in the motherly, caring roles because that's what I'm good at. Maybe I'm not an actor at all, and instead I'm just someone who cares a whole awful lot about other people. I think, that maybe, I'm just meant to love the world and all the people, including the lost, broken students in Up The Down Staircase, the little boy dying of Hemophilia in The Yellow Boat, and the crazy family I called mine in You Can't Take it With You. Yup, this will be my fourth show as this motherly, caring role.

I'm pretty stoked.