What I'm learning about love.

How much time do you have?

Love is... complicated.

I can honestly say I've never been in love, and I know no one's ever truy been in love with me.

But that goes back to the whole being "in love" thing, which is kind of stupid.

My family loves me, and that's obvious, with everything they do.

My friends love me, and sometimes tell me things I don't want to hear, and that's how I know how much they love me.


I guesss love is complicated, because it can make you really happy for a few days, months, or years, then it ends, and if life sucked before you were in love with someone, it really sucks now.

Something good can make it, but rarely does.

That's what bothers me about love.

It's why I never want to get married, but that will probably change someday.

People are stupid.

People being me.

I don't know why, so don't ask me to try to explain it.

It was like, we act like a couple anyway, why not just tack on the title, and that's generally the thing I'm most afraid of, so I said yes.

Where do we go from here?

"It was a fun few weeks, when you weren't blocking me out. See you in 6 months?"

IN A RELATIONSHIP, sayyyy whattt?

It's weird to me too.

Life.

I guess their are things to look forward to, but I don't want to run from anything.
This idea of "starting a new life" makes me sad.
I don't need a new life...
I just need to know that some things never end... like frienships.

I hate empathy.

I don't want to feel the pain people cause other people.

It keeps me up at night... and makes me doubt everything I used to believe.

I just don't understand... life, anymore..

I want to beleive in something better after this life, because this one just seems to suck.

I can't do enough good to cancel out the bad, and that's the most heartbreaking relaization I've ever had.

If only, If only.

If future Casey could have a talk with current Casey, she'd tell her she was being an idiot.

There's no way this will end well. I should have walked away when I had the chance, but I'm stupid, and I'm selfish, and I care way too much.

Now, I'm hurting the both of us, so I'm apologizing in advance for that.

I'm sorry.

Your love will be safe with me.

I know we were never much, but I just wish we could go back to that first night, where things were easy. Or, they felt easy, and we shared our secrets, and you told me about how you cared all along.

Now, I get the feeling that you're bored with me, and I don't want to be one of those girls that hurts you. You've told me about them. I don't plan to be one of them.

I guess, I'm saying that I'm sorry I can't stick around, and I appreciate that you support me, in whatever it is I do.

There are a lot of things I really like about you, and most of all, I don't want to lose that frienship we had before all these feelings came to the table.

Mostly, what I want is unreasonable.

We're getting too attached, and I guess you're truly just trying to distance yourself, but I don't want that.

I want you to leave flowers outside my door like you said you would.

I want you to hold my hand in front of your friends.

I want you to listen like you did, and ask the questions you so desperately wanted answered that first night.

I want you to prefer spending time with me over getting high with your friends.

I want you to care, and lately, I haven't been getting that feeling.

Parties ruin everything.

Wrecking Ball of Reality.

Summer was going really well, and I was beginning to handle things better, and everything seemed to be at a high point. Then, my car died, and somehow, that one thing overwhelmed me  putting me back into a state of anxiety.


I'm terrified of the future all over again.

It's too late...

I've already decided.

I overestimate the power I have to control my emotions.

Not Ready.

I was thinking about marriage tonight, and about how everybody gets married at some point and like half those people end up getting divorced or being stuck in a marrage with someone they can't stand to be around.

People my age are so obsessed with wanting to be in love that they force themselves to feel things for people they really don't feel anything for. Even I'm guilty of that.

And I guess as times goes on, you get comfortable with that person, and then the idea of starting the dating game again seems daunting.... or exhausting.. or just not worth the trouble.

What I'm trying to say is maybe being single isn't such a bad thing.

I'm preparing to move across the country, and then I'm (hopefully) headed to Hawaii.

Both of those things would suck to do tied down, even if it was with someone I truly could imagine spending the rest of my life with.

And because I haven't been blogging much lately, you're probably unaware of my changing opinions on marriage and all that jazz.
I just... am content waiting. For marriage, maybe. But for someone to just be a step above the rest.

For someone to compare to the cream of the crop of guys.

For someone to listen as much as they talk, and to go out of their way to do nice things for people.

Maybe I'll get married someday, and if I do, I hope to be part of the dwindling number of people who marry someone and still laugh at things together after 5, 10, 50 years of marriage. 

For now though, I'm in a pretty good place and preparing for the time of my life. As a single lady.

Now put your hand up!

"Being Friends with Boys"

“I wasn't aware that was how I felt, either, until it was out. And now that I've said it like that, I'm not exactly sure it is how I feel. But this isn't a piece of paper I can crumple up and throw away. they aren't words I can cross out to start over. Now they're out, and I know they'll hang here, between us, maybe forever.” 

- Terra  Elan McVoy