We were born to live boldly.
I fear rejection.
I fear failure.
I fear letting my family down for the sake of happiness.
But I'm doing this awesome, beautiful thing called follow my heart.
My passions have been amplified and I have been ignited into my destiny.
So maybe I'll let those I love down.
Maybe I'll die sharing the Gospel with beautiful orphan children in India.
Maybe I'll never live in Washington again.
Maybe I'll never go to school.
Maybe I'll barely make it by.

But I will be as happy as a clam.
Because even though I know the suffering ahead,
I also know that there is love, and hope, and undeserved grace.

So I'm rolling with that.

The Power of Declaration.

Words are powerful, and whether we want to believe it or not, they have the power to make or break us.

In my five months in Georgia, words were used to tear me down.

I'll really never know if my family will understand just how much they hurt me, but the biggest mistake of all was accepting the things they were telling me about myself.

I was being spoon fed so many lies, and my mom wasn't enough to convince me that they weren't true.

So I soaked them in.

I looked in the mirror and said I wasn't pretty enough.

I stepped on the scale and said I wasn't skinny enough.

I felt like a failure, so I constantly told myself I was stupid.

And the said thing is, other people, who claim to love me, were telling me these things themselves.

And maybe it was just because they ddin't understand the war I was waging within myself.

In those five months, I felt meek and small and more depressed than I've ever felt in my life.

With every tear I cried, I began to accept more and more that I was a weak human being and not worthy of much.

And everytime I accepted a new lie, I found another reason to hate myself.

And nothing anybody said was enough to pull me out of that;

I was consistently told I was beautiful by a solid boyfriend and an amazing mom.

But for whatever reason, we absorb the blows more than the band-aids for the wounds.

And no one would have been able to say anything that would convince me that the lies I'd been told were wrong.

Then, I came to Surfing the Nations.

And I found love.

I found grace.

I found encouragement.

I found beauty in everything around me.

I found the love I needed more than anything wasn't any a man could provide.

And at long last, I learned the power of declaration.

I learned the strongholds that once consumed me do not define me. 

I make my own declarations about myself.

So I choose to declare that I was made beautiful.

I declare that my body is a temple in every way, shape, and form.

My hands were crafted to serve.

My legs were made to run.

My mouth was made to taste, my eyes were made to see, my nose was made to smell, and my heart was made to love.

And they are all in proper working order.

I declare that I am smart. I ask questions because I want to know more. My brain works differently than yours, and that's a beautiful thing. If we all thought and reasoned the same way, where would the innovators be? Where would the inventors be? We were created to be different.

I declare that I will no longer think of the things that make me who I am as a curse. It is a blessing that I am awkward. I am grateful for the quirks that make me who I am.

Lastly, I declare that I was made for great things.
I will not settle for less. I will not give up the dream that sets my soul on fire.
I have been tested in so many ways, but I am growing.
And I know I'm right where I belong.

In case you're reading.

"How can I forget your love?

How can I never see you again?

There’s a time and place

For one more sweet embrace

And is time 

when it all 

Went wrong

I guess you know by now

That we will meet again somehow

Oh baby

How can I begin again?

How can I try to love someone new?

Someone who isn’t you

How can our love be true?

When I’m not, ooh

I’m not over you

I guess you know by now

That we will meet again somehow

Time can come and take away the pain

But I just want my memories to remain

To hear your voice

To see your face

There’s not one moment I’d erase

You are a guest here now

So baby

How can I forget your love?

How can I never see you again?

How can I ever know why some stay and others go?

When I don’t, ooh

I don’t want you to go

I guess I know by now

That we will meet again somehow

Time can come and wash away the pain

But I just want my mind to stay the same

To hear your voice

To see your face

There’s not one moment I’d erase

You are a guest here now

So baby

How can I forget your love?

How can I never see you again?"

-Regina Spektor

Oh Blogging.

I have missed you.

Prepare yourself for an outpouring of emotions, stories, and revelations.

Because I am not the same person I was.

And I understand why I felt so empty before and I don't anymore. 

Testimony.

I became immune to the pain you caused us. 

And now that I have to talk about it in front of 60 people I barely know, I'm remembering why it hurt so much in the first place.

I want to forget all over again. 

This is what you do.

This is how it goes.
You grow up, and if you're a little bit courageous, you leave home, and the familiar.


I had a solid high scool experience. I couldn't have asked for anything better.

But it's time to accept that at some point in life, you're supposed to leave that life behind and pursue bigger things. 
Like right now, I'm legitimately living my dream in Hawaii.
-I'm working with kids and broken people on a daily basis. 
-I live within 30 minutes of one of the most beautiful beaches in the world. 
-Lives have been and are being changed here in Wahiawa, and the biggest thing I've ever done in my life is be a part of that. 
-And I'm surrounded by passionate people who are dedicated to the people of this city.
And I think that's the prime example of being faithful where you are. 


Also, one of my favorite things about Surfing the Nations is that they are a humanitarian organization, and they don't try to make any of their outreaches religious, but they also believe the best example of a selfless leader is Jesus, and they hope to inspire their leaders with the exaple Jesus set, and that's something I can really get behind. 
So, I'm excited about that as well. It's hard to have issues with trying to be more like Jesus.
He was rad.

I do miss high school, and I know the WHS theatre department put on an awesome play.
And it breaks my heart a little, for one that I couldn't be there, and for two, that it's no longer part of my everyday life.

But I guess that's growing up too. 
Acting will always be my first love. But I think I'll try surfing for a while.

Cannonballs.

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” 

-Robert A. Heinlein

I found this quote today, and it's mind-blowing how relevant it is to my life. And i'm not even the one it applies to.

I love epiphanies. 

and you.