Away We Go.

What if he's not always nice?

What if he doesn't take care of you like you thought he would?

Will he do the dishes?

Will he go to all those lame family functions?

Will he go to church on Sunday, maybe not for Jesus, but just so you don't have to go alone?

Will he say mean things to you when you fight?

Will he teach Joey how to play football

Will he try to control us?

Will he hold you when you cry?

Will he support you?

Will he always be truthful?

Will he work hard to build a life together?

Will he even bother to get to know me?

Will I be forgotten when I'm gone?

Things weren't perfect, but they were good. 

But we're fine on our own.

I guess it's just scary that anyone can walk out and never come back.

Leave the key on the table, lock the door behind them, and never be seen again.

Just don't try coming back.

We're better off without you anyway.

Some things do change, I guess.

It's cool to talk to my dad about things like God, and marriage, and the crazy, unconventional dates I go on.

And I like when he gives me advice.

And that he supports what I'm doing with my life.

A lot of my "daddy issues" came out in Hawaii, and I think a lot of healing happened there.

It's a long road to recovery, and I know he can't go back and change all the times he missed birthdays, and said he'd call, but never did. And I can't pretend that those things didn't hurt me.

But I think maybe I'm just beginning to accept that just because he couldn't be the father I wanted him to be doesn't mean he loved me any less. 

And I think my heart was set free a little bit more when I truthfully forgave him for those shortcomings.

I love you Dad. I really do.

It turns out, you're right.

Looks like I'll be spending Christmas in Hawaii.

Which means one full year away from home.

But home is a relative word.

I think home is where there's love and acceptance.

And if that's the case, I'm going to make the world my home.

Who says Christmas in Hawaii can't be as wonderful as Christmas in Columbus?

Ménière’s Disease

I've never been diagnosed with a disease before, and I've been healthy almost all my life.

Which is why I'm terrified to go to the doctor.

Because incurable is a scary word.

And I'm only 19.

Someone hold my hand and tell me it's going to be okay.

On death.

It's crazy to think that death has the power to strengthen marriages or to end them.

Tonight, I saw one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen. 

Charlotte, a beautiful lady on the inside and out, stood over her deceased mother's body and said goodbye for the last time. Then, her husband came up, said it's time, and she and him walked away hand in hand. 

And that's love.

I don't know how long they've been married for, but I know that a love like that is meant to last.

Because these next few days and weeks are going to be hard for her. But I also know she won't have to face them alone.

And that is a love worth waiting for.

You are good.

It's a drink earl-grey tea and don't stress about the fact that I'm terrified for what September will bring kind of day.

Because things change, but You remain faithful.

Weekend.

The events that happened this past weekend deserve a blog post, but I'm not sure if I have what it takes to put my feelings down in words yet.

I'm disgusted with myself.