Too Many Fish in the Sea

What if by some crazy stroke of "luck", I got the guys I think I've wanted over the past 6 years?

Let's just say I started liking guys at 14, although it was probably more like 6. 

How terrible would that be?

Think of all the heartbreak I would have experienced. And what people would perceive me as.

I'm really grateful it didn't happen that way, but it doesn't change the fact that even today, I wish I could turn off the thoughts in my head that fantasize of a future with whatever male makes my heart beat fast at any given time.

Attractions should be this beautiful thing, but I don't really like them.

And I don't trust my heart at all.

I desperately wanted to be in this season of my life where I was single and happy about it.

And I'm still single... And I'm still almost completely happy with that. 

But it seems as if there's always some guy, clouding my vision and blocking my sight from what my eyes should really be on.

"My head told my heart, let love grow, but my heart told my head, this time no.

This time. No."