Addictions.

I grew up terrified of addictions.

Mostly, because I associated addictions with abandonement.

My father, who is now becoming my Dad, was addicted to everything, it seemed like.

And I remember talking to Brian Borland about how afraid I was of addictions, and he said that fear would one day turn into a fear of commitment if I continued to let it consume me.

I used to live in fear that addictions were hereditary, and that if I didn't fight any and all thoughts of impluses, I would become like my father.

My father is now being set free from his addictions.

I'm sorry I didn't believe in you sooner, Dad.

I'm sorry I gave up so quickly.

I'm really happy you're fighting for your life, and for your kids.

I'm happy you call me every other week, even if there's uncomfortable silence, and neither of us knows what to say, because making up for seventeen years of a lack of love and friendship in our relationship is hard.

We can't go back and relive those years, but every time you say you love me, or that I'm beautiful, or that you're proud of me, I believe you.

So please don't stop saying those things. They mean the world to me.

It took 20 years, but I'm not scared to live anymore.

And that's a really great feeling.