I Will Exalt, I think.

Last year, at this time, I was getting drunk in the hopes of feeling something.

And all it ever did was make me feel more alone.

I'd like to think everything has changed, but maybe it hasn't.

It took everything in me to turn down weed the other day, even if I have made commitments to live a certain way.

But on the bright side, I'm realizing love guided by emotions isn't really love at all. 

I have to make the choice to love people. 

I have to make the choice to not push you away, again, because you don't meet my ridiculous expectations. 

I have to make the choice to love Jesus, even when I feel as if he's just some far off deity that doesn't really hear my prayers or heal. I won't always live in Christian community. But I do now. 

And after two weeks at home, I'm already beginning to doubt everything I experiened over the past 3 months. 

I don't want faith to be a feeling or a sensation built on what I experience when I'm surrounded by people that claim to love You, and hear You, and do Your will.

Prove Yourself Faithful, if it's not too much to ask.

I already have my fair share of trust issues. 

But I trust in You.