What they don't tell you is saying yes is hard, and scary.
And I can't seem to decide if I want to be there right this second, or if I ever want to be there at all.

Because, the truth is, my bank account will never have enough, not every one I love is going to support what I'm choosing to do, and nothing is "mine" anymore.

Welcome to the joys of taking a risk. Now, I know I'm alive.

And I know I'm making the right decision, because it's the one that scares me the most.

My God Guide.

I think every single struggle I've had with Christianity has gone back to what the people who are claiming to be Christians are doing.

So, it's been a few years coming, but I've figured out the niche I fit in to. 

I think I go to church to be encouraged. I don't want rules shoved down my throat, and I don't want another lesson about how I need to be praying for the lost souls of this earth.

I want to learn about Jesus.

Show me how He loved. Let His love shine through me.

Have you read about Jesus?

Or did you close the book after Genesis?

Because, if you skip the first few hundred pages, a man named Jesus comes along. And he changes the game.

He does the opposite of what the so-called religious do. He dies for many, and saves the world.

And if I make that sound cavalier, that's not my intention.

Because the truth is, it is a big deal.

And if God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are all for one, and one for all, then God is good.

Because Jesus was, and is.

So what I wanted to say, is I've fit myself in this little niche, where I really just try to love people. 
And when I pray for them, I try to genuinely pray for them. 

And maybe, in doing this, and being authentic, and leaving God to judge, because that is the LAST thing I am meant to do on this earth, I can undo the wrong that so many "Christians" have done.

Maybe, one day, I can talk to my homosexual uncle about religion, because he no longer feels burned by it..

Maybe, one day, we can stop giving LGBT people and couples dirty looks when they come to church seeking a community where they too, can be uplifted.

Maybe, we can stop slut shaming.

Maybe, we can give a little more to the poor, and a little less to the multi-millionare pastors.

Maybe, we can all go to gay pride, and apologize for every cruel word or action that has ever been done to the gay and lesbian communities.

Maybe, we can learn to love like Jesus did. 

Maybe, it's just a dream of mine.

Maybe, I can't change the world.

But, atleast I can make a difference.

So today, when you try to convince yourself of all the reasons you left that Christian title behind, or stopped opening your bible, or wearing your cross necklace, maybe you should evaluate what changed. Because if I'm reading the bible correctly, God is constant. God doesn't change. His sacrifice doesn't change. His love doesn't change. His forgiveness never falters.

So why did it all stop?

Because there's nothing wrong with being more like Jesus. That man loved.