Don't want your picture on my cell phone.

I want you here with me.

But I know better than to get my hopes up. 

If only.

I wish I could give you a solid answer. 

I would tell you everything, and be so reassuring if I knew what I wanted myself.

“There's a time when a (wo)man needs to fight and a time when (s)he needs to accept that his her destiny's lost, the ship has sailed and that only a fool will continue.  

The truth is I've always been a fool.”

-Big Fish

Bad News Bears.

So Long Auburn.

Adios UGA. 

Thanks for the dream.

Out of Sight

Day 8: I'm thankful for those moments when I don't feel so out of place, and alone. They're rare, but they do happen.
Day 9: I'm thankful for the kiddos I get to spend my Friday mornings with. They are so full of love, and they give the best hugs. When I walk into the class, they all gasp and say "CASEY'S HERE!" It's the most adorable thing.
Day 10: I'm thankful for my cousin Ashley. One time, when I was like 6, and she was 3, we were going on a fishing trip with our grandpa, and my grandpa went into the gas station to get worms, and I was told to not let Ashley out of her car seat under any circumstance. And then my Papaw went inside, and my damn cousin, with her sly ways, encouraged my 6 year old self to let her out. And she bit me. Then she started throwing things, and thrashing. She was a brat, and I was a pushover. I'm glad she got past that stage. I love you Ashley. We can be outcasts in this family together. When our time comes, we'll blossom, and they'll realize they were wrong about us. We're doing just fine. You're beautiful. Do your own thing, and screw what they say. They had their chance to be young. Now it's your turn.
Day 11: I'm thankful for church. I'm not saying I believe everything they're telling me, but the nice thing is, it's not being spoon fed to me. Or forced down my throat. Their approach is different. They're real with who they are as a group, and they accept real people. The vibes form the church are just altogether different than any one I've ever been to. The pastor's approach is "Hey, life with Jesus, it's better. I'm not saying believe what I believe, I'm just saying I've lived both ways. And now I'm living the better one" 
Day 12: I'm thankful for realizations. I am so grateful for the fact that I have two jobs that I, for the most part, love. But I realized something yesterday, and that was that I'm not ready to be a working adult. I was thinking this lifestyle was easy, and I would just skip school altogether, but unless I do that for the sake of helping people, I won't do that at all. I'm not going to give up going to school, so I can sell lotion and make barely enough to live off of. Suffice to say, the plan I developed before I got here didn't work out as I had hoped. But I wouldn't call this a mistake. Two months from today, I'll be headed off to Hawaii. And that has been my dream for the past year. A year ago, I never thought I'd actually be preparing to do this, but I am. It required some sacrifices, and it wouldn't have been possible  if I were going to school full time. So I guess I'm saying maybe things do happen for a reason. Maybe.
Day 13: I'm thankful for learning to accept myself for the person that I am.

“If you truly loved yourself, you could never hurt another.” 

― Siddhārtha Gautama

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

― Siddhārtha Gautama

One Foot in the Door.

I think I've made up my my mind.

If I don't fall in love with a school here, or decide to permanently stay in Hawaii, I will transfer to Western, and deal with out-of-state tuition for a year.

I'm under that PNW spell. 

And I'm ready to come home. 

My Best Self Hasn't Happened Yet.

Day 6: I'm thankful for politics. Whether you like them or not, they bring about change. And I'm excited to see what Obama does his second term. 

Day 7: I'm thankful that the man who raised me now has the right to marry the person of his choice. And that he plans to exercise that right soon. <3

For the glory of God-response

I ask myself those questions too.
And I cry, and I get angry, because I consider them my family. And why the hell would God do something like this? If he doesn't control the bad things, then why can't he do the good thing and heal him? 

Maybe it's because He doesn't care at all. I'm not denying His existance, I'm just wondering where His master Hand is at work in all this sadness?
So I watch from a distance as the woman I love loses the love of her life. 
And I try to read my bible, and I just get so frustrated. 


Because I don't think I'll ever believe like I once did. 
Atleast not all of it.
I know he knows he's going to heaven, and if that's where he's going to be, then that's where she'll be.
And you can tell me, theologically, that's not right.
And I'll say screw you. Because you've never dealt with this, and if God can't heal him, then the least He can do is allow them to be together. 

Also, if anyone's mouthing off or disrespecting her, do me a favor & punch them in the face. Just make sure you do it when she's not looking.

Also, don't tell her I told you that.