Out.

Get out of this house,

Get out of this neighborhood,

Get out of this city,

Get out of this place.

Summer is ending.

So is my parent's marriage.

I wish I had time to stop and think about it, but time is the last thing I have.

I have homework, and packing, and work.

I have a move and commitments that I can't follow up on.

I have a loss of hope in an institution that's only ever shown me failure and seperation.

I'd like to belive in something and have one summer night where I remember I'm only 17 and the world does not rest on my shoulders.

But I can't, because I have too many things to do and not enough time.

I was happiest there.

I felt loved there.

Can I please be there again?

Fear

Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing everyday that scares you."

Today, I was an overachiever and I did two.

It's thrilling.

Craziness

I like becoming friends with all the kids at the wave pool at the end of the day.

I know kids want need love.

I know what I've been called to.

Ode to Divorce

Some people say no just to not say yes.

Some people tear others down just for the fun of it.

Some people live for themsleves.

Some people are better off alone.

Everything is about to change.

"I wonder, is there anything I'm gonna miss?

I wonder how's it gonna be when you don't know me?

How's it gonna be, when you're sure I'm not there?

How's it gonna be, when there's no one there to talk to.

Between you and me, cause I don't care.

How's it gonna be?"

Goodbye house.

Patriot Rumble

It made me sad to realize the things that will consume my life for the next year, you've outgrown.

Football games, assemblies, lunch in McKenzie's,

Emerald City Smoothie, Pita Pit, PLU walks,

Eleanor, Lucinda, Evan, and movies.

I really miss you guys.

Thanks-giving.

I have a great big brother. He gives me piggy back rides. He teaches me life lessons. He comforts me when I'm scared to forgive my father and trust him yet again. He rides all the scary roller coasters with me. He's been through more in his 20 years then some people go through in a lifetime. He has a metal spine and always get stopped at airport security. He's loving. He cries when he's sad. He's incredibly smart and wants to be a nuclear engineer. He held me while I mourned my grandpa's death. He drank his fancy beverage with his pinky up. He taught me how to body surf. He lets me talk about my future husband. He's the number one person to accept my selfishness. I don't know why. It's not any new change in either of ourselves, but letting him go to a college again will be so hard. I really have an awesome brother and I just wanted you to know.  I love him a lot.

Past Three Weeks

I've learned more than I could comprehend.

Mourned more than I ever have,

Cried more than my eyes could handle,

And in some select moments, felt alone and empty.

I'm thankful for a God who reaches into the muck to pull me out, because frankly, I'm terrified and I'd like to curl up into a ball on my bed and cry because everything I've known for 12 years is about to change, and I'm scared.

More scared then I've ever been.

There's no such thing as a clean cut.