In my five months in Georgia, words were used to tear me down.
I'll really never know if my family will understand just how much they hurt me, but the biggest mistake of all was accepting the things they were telling me about myself.
I was being spoon fed so many lies, and my mom wasn't enough to convince me that they weren't true.
So I soaked them in.
I looked in the mirror and said I wasn't pretty enough.
I stepped on the scale and said I wasn't skinny enough.
I felt like a failure, so I constantly told myself I was stupid.
And the said thing is, other people, who claim to love me, were telling me these things themselves.
And maybe it was just because they ddin't understand the war I was waging within myself.
In those five months, I felt meek and small and more depressed than I've ever felt in my life.
With every tear I cried, I began to accept more and more that I was a weak human being and not worthy of much.
And everytime I accepted a new lie, I found another reason to hate myself.
And nothing anybody said was enough to pull me out of that;
I was consistently told I was beautiful by a solid boyfriend and an amazing mom.
But for whatever reason, we absorb the blows more than the band-aids for the wounds.
And no one would have been able to say anything that would convince me that the lies I'd been told were wrong.
Then, I came to Surfing the Nations.
And I found love.
I found grace.
I found encouragement.
I found beauty in everything around me.
I found the love I needed more than anything wasn't any a man could provide.
And at long last, I learned the power of declaration.
I learned the strongholds that once consumed me do not define me.
I make my own declarations about myself.
So I choose to declare that I was made beautiful.
I declare that my body is a temple in every way, shape, and form.
My hands were crafted to serve.
My legs were made to run.
My mouth was made to taste, my eyes were made to see, my nose was made to smell, and my heart was made to love.
And they are all in proper working order.
I declare that I am smart. I ask questions because I want to know more. My brain works differently than yours, and that's a beautiful thing. If we all thought and reasoned the same way, where would the innovators be? Where would the inventors be? We were created to be different.
I declare that I will no longer think of the things that make me who I am as a curse. It is a blessing that I am awkward. I am grateful for the quirks that make me who I am.
Lastly, I declare that I was made for great things.
I will not settle for less. I will not give up the dream that sets my soul on fire.
I have been tested in so many ways, but I am growing.
And I know I'm right where I belong.
I declare that I will no longer think of the things that make me who I am as a curse. It is a blessing that I am awkward. I am grateful for the quirks that make me who I am.
Lastly, I declare that I was made for great things.
I will not settle for less. I will not give up the dream that sets my soul on fire.
I have been tested in so many ways, but I am growing.
And I know I'm right where I belong.
